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Poems - Page Three

Baseball Tonight

Baseball’s on tonight

Okay, it’s just a grapefruit game

but suddenly, I feel a little more like me.

For months, my mood has yo-yoed,

swinging back and forth—from joy to

dark clusters of sleepless nights.

A friend said to me, “Why are you struggling so

hard with this issue? If you were a diabetic, you’d

take insulin.”

Acceptance is key, in life.

Maybe I’ve always been too proud

or just afraid that I would be like my family

something I just didn’t want to face.

Years of trying to beat the “magical” pill

by going to 12 steps meetings or devouring

self help books as if they were my last meal.

All to escape the family disease.

My brother asked me, when I called, “what was wrong?”

I said, “I’m riddled with anxiety and fear

and all he said, “was welcome to the club!”

I guess I belong to my family, after all.

Donna Barnes 3/7/09

24/7

24/7

Life and all its lessons brought me to my knees

on the ground, I cry and cry.

At first I babble alone, then I babble to a friend,

then another, what’s next? Cry in front of total strangers?

So what?

I remember six months ago, saying to a friend, “I don’t cry very well,”

but be careful what you wish for, it may come true.

Now it seems as if I won’t ever stop

I shake at night- feeling the cold air within my spine.

I’ve been asking for miracles to come

to bring me guidance, peace and love.

Friends and family come rushing

like an incoming tide, bringing dinner, hugs

kisses, and calls all filled with love.

How did I get so lucky?

When did I grow in so many peoples hearts?

It seems to me even in the mist of all this inner turmoil,

I manage to be grateful for the love.

I said, “thank you to the Higher Being above.”

Gratitude at the display of devotion

and I finally knew, that I would never be alone

not even in the middle of the night…when the pain draws near

many friends offer me their number at any hour

and that’s when I know I am truly blessed.

24/7 Donna Barnes 3/7/08

Bright Days Again

This morning seemed so bleak.

My stomach topsy turveyed.

I made some difficult calls,

but got answers later on in the day.

Pushed through my day with utter determination

and grace.

Driving east on Sunrise Highway

I cringed at the clock,

I was running late.

Then four black dogs with paws with the size of grown man’s hands

greeted me as if I was the Queen of Sabia.

I smiled. Truly smiled

And I knew I made it through a difficult period

that tomorrow would bring a new day

and finally a good night’s rest.

I finally raised the surrender flag of despair

and there would be brighter days again. Donna Barnes3/8/08

Free Falling Fear

It overcame me like a fog,

socking in the harbor

only the sun seems hard for me to remember,

when my days are grey.

Fear grips me like a mugger stealing a purse,

paralyzing me where I stand.

My life force is draining out of me,

wanting this suffering to end

Life isn’t worth living like this.

How can I get out of this?

Days turn to days,

Months turn into months,

and I feel so out of control.

The white cap waves rage up and down

throwing me left and to the right,

never allowing me to recover my sea legs.

This constant flip flopping is making me sick to my stomach.

I want to throw up.

I want my mind and my soul back now.

Donna Barnes 3/7/08